Child Support F*@kery, Part One

 I’m gonna catch some flak for this one. Maybe a little…maybe A LOT.

Let me start off by saying that I’m not against child support nor harbor ill will towards some people that receive it. Notice I said “some.” As long as it’s being used for the good of the child, I’m all for it. For those of you who are always clean and fresh but your kids (all 5+ of them) look busted…I have a problem with YOU. Before some of you start yammering – I am a mother of one. ONE. I chose to have only one because one is what I know I can comfortably take care of on my own. Again, before you start poppin lip – her father and I are together, happily holdin it down. My daughter may not look like a rich kid, but she doesn’t look like an orphan, either. Her clothes and shoes are clean and they FIT, her hair is fixed and she’s an extremely healthy soon to be 3 year old. Don’t get it twisted.

There are too many instances of women collecting exorbitant amounts of child support and the money isn’t being used properly. The father still has to come out of pocket for clothes and other items because the children visit him in dirty clothes carrying dirty clothes. Chances are these same women are given SNAP benefits/EBT and the children still complain about not having enough food to eat when they visit their fathers. ABC vouchers are also handed out and these women send their kids to daycare not so they can at least work a P/T gig, but so they can lay up with their boyfriend, practicing making more kids. Or, they’ve got some side hustle they don’t want the little ones to see. Mom is dressed in  brand new Baby Phat, stilettos, freshly weaved up with recently done, ridiculously long gel nails, her boyfriend is dressed down in Coogi, limited edition Jordans and a fitted cap and the kids…look like orphans when they go out. Hand-me-downs, shoes run over to one side and no haircut or hairdo. Not even some simple cornrows.

Huh? What the f#@k?

You then talk about how hard you have it, trying to raise your “babies” that you love so much; you even call them by name out in public knowing good and well when you guys are at home they are little “niggas.” Your baby daddy (or in some cases, daddies) isn’t/aren’t paying enough child support you tell any and every one who’ll listen…you tell your kids every chance you get, “your father ain’t s%#t” even though he’s forced, by the courts, to give you at least half of his paycheck plus carry insurance (health, dental and vision) on the kids that you made together. You work HARD at taking care of kids. Yet, you aren’t required to pay anything. You aren’t even forced to work. You just sit back and chill.

Yeah, right. You work hard, alright…work hard at being trifling. END OF STORY. PERIOD.

TO BE CONTINUED….

Product Review – Jamaican Mango & Lime Locking Crème Wax

When I first wore locks, they were installed with lemon juice and Jamaican Mango & Lime Wax. The young lady who worked her magic sang its praises to the high heavens and said it was the best thing smoking. I went to her 2 more times (every two weeks.) Of course, I asked questions about dreadlock care because my intention was to do it myself. For the life of me, I can’t remember if we discussed wax buildup nor can I remember if I had buildup in my dreads. However, I can remember the waxy, tacky feeling left behind after every retwist that hung around for a good 3 to 5 days.

Fast forward to August 2010 & my 2^nd set of locs. This time, a locking/twist gel was used. I went back once more for a retwist about 3 weeks later. Like the first visit, the gel left my baby dreads white and flaky with an incredibly dry scalp to boot. I wasn’t feeling any of that. So, when it came time for my next wash and retwist, I purchased and used Jamaican Mango & Lime Wax Crème. This product contains petrolatum, mineral oil, micocrystaline wax, D&C yellow #11 and fragrance (parfum.) I’m quite sure you see the BIG no-no’s ingredient in the list – petrolatum and wax. Although not as heavy as it’s sibling, the wax crème still leaves a tackiness that weighs down my usually light dreads. And yes, I have build-up because I have been using it religiously and applying “generously” as instructed to do on the container instead of going the less is more route. But, I will say this – once my dreads absorb it, they are super soft and shiny. There’s no itchy scratchy scalp or flakes. On top of that, they smell great. I love that herbal, natural smell. However, there’s still that buildup!

Will I continue to use the wax crème? Ummm….no. With this buildup, I don’t really have a choice. My next wash and retwist is coming around, so I will start experimenting with some locking gels to find one my dreads will love. In the meantime, I have to work on getting the rest of this buildup out.

What do you use when you retwist? Any suggestions on a good locking gel that doesn’t leave my dreads looking like they’ve been frosted?

Tsk, Tsk SHAME ON YOU

Ladies – some of us need our ass kicked.

You know the ones I’m talking about – the ones who have a decent man at home who takes care of the kids, cleans house and finds the time to spend with her lame ass after working 8+ hours a day. He works so much his woman doesn’t have to work. He doesn’t say much, but all he expects is some hot food when he’s hungry, clean clothes, some loving at night, and a little respect. Too much to ask for? No.

What do you do, though? Absolutely…NOTHING. Since you didn’t get up with him at 6 am, your man went to work on an empty stomach with 2 bologna and cheese sandwiches for lunch. When you finally got up, you decided gossiping with your friends, watching TV and snacking were more important than washing clothes and fixing a little something to stick to your man’s ribs (which, by the way, are showing because those sandwiches were gone 3 hours before he came home.) So, when your boo comes home, the kids are home from daycare/school and running around and he has to settle for what? Wait for it – BOLOGNA AND CHEESE SANDWICHES that he had to fix for himself and the kids! Needless to say, he takes care of the home the rest of the day, gets the kids situated and put to bed thinking he’s gonna relieve a little stress by breaking his woman’s back and BOOM. You hit him with, “Me and some of my girls are going to the club tonight.” Really? Why in the hell would you want to do that to your man?

Ladies, good men are not a dime a dozen. If you have a man that goes above and beyond for you, take care of him. Pamper him a little. Show him he is appreciated by doing the little things he likes. Respect him. Let him know that YOU know he is a keeper. There are too many women out there, circling like vultures, that will come in and swoop your boo up because they know he is solid gold. They will treat him the way your triflin’ ass should’ve treated him and of course, you’ll want to fight. The only person you should be fighting is yourself.

That’s all I have to say. Carry on.

For the New Loc'ers

Just like life, dreadlocks are a constant learning experience. Everything I know about my babies thus far has come from experience and my internet research (blogs have been the most helpful.) Yes, experience is quite the teacher…how else will you get to know your hair without taking care of it yourself? I just want to share a few things I’ve learned along the way:

1.       Research!!! Very important. You can do this before you loc and during your journey because you can never know too much about anything. It will also give you an idea of what to expect when you install your dreads as far as maintenance, styling options and how others are dealing with workplace issues concerning dreads.

2.       Ask Questions!! Veteran dreadlockers are happy to answer questions and give encouragement. They can better explain things you may not understand on the internet concerning dreadlocks.

3.       Be Patient!! Dreadlocks don’t become shoulder-length overnight. It takes love and TIME. So, don’t spend your time watching them grow. Your dreads will have a mind their own and you have to just grit your teeth and roll with it. Their moodiness doesn’t last forever.

4.       Be Attentive!! Your hair will definitely tell you what it likes and doesn’t like.

5.       Develop a routine!! www.mydreadlocks.com has a great article called 5 Easy Dreadlocks Hair Maintenance Tips for Knockout Style under their “Popular Pages” link. A routine is very important for healthy dreads.

6.       Keep It Basic!! Jamaican Mango & Lime products are not the gospel for dreadlocks. Shampoos and conditioners like Suave and V05 are just as effective. Cheap, quality oils can be found if you look hard enough and like I said in a previous post, dreads LOVE water!

Don’t overthink the process, just go with the flow. A few online resources that have helped me tremendously are: www.locrocker.com, www.thekitchensalon.com, www.mydreadlocks.com and www.naturalbeautifulhair.com. These four sites are run by gorgeous sistas with equally gorgeous dreads and Brittany (aka B from locrocker) is quite the character. All provide quality information and good reading to get you started.

Happy locking peeps!

Random Stuff 2

Sometimes, we all get overwhelmed by life. Annoyed with the ones we love. Totally and completely frustrated with ourselves. And, that’s okay because as humans equipped with intelligence, we think of ways to push through things like this. But, it takes the willpower we were blessed with to put those ways to use.

In the last two years, I’ve come pretty close to giving up on myself. I’m a worrier and I tend to worry most about stuff I don’t understand. When I was hospitalized in 2010 with congestive heart failure due to an enlarged heart (cardiomyopathy,) I was scared as hell because any issue with your strawberry tart (Jason Statham, Crank 2,) is something extremely serious. All I could think was why me and how in the hell did I get to this point? My condition was so dire, my cardiomyopathy was described as end-stage. Finally, I was released and my pill regimen was 7 pills a day, one of which had to be taken 3 times a day. Yes, I cried A LOT. I couldn’t sleep. I was angry because people whose lifestyle was way worse than mine (no exercise, heavy smokers, fast food eaters to my moderate exercise, no smoking, relatively healthy eating) had better tickers. With all that negativity brewing inside of me, I really felt like giving up because I didn’t want to live like that. Then, I thought about what one of the doctors told me in the hospital-if you can find the discipline and determination to do as your doctors tell you, you can get better. The road to that is long and not easy, but you can get there because you caught a break. Your heart walls are thick and that can be worked with. Holding on to that small nugget of positivity, I began to make changes. More exercise. Less red meat and fried food, more chicken and fish (baked, broiled, grilled.) Lots more fruit and veggies. Naturally, these led to other changes in my life, other positives that continue to build on each other.

As of June 2011, my heart efficiency was up to 45% from a mind numbing 25%. On top of that, I’m now on five pills and I’m still 68 pounds lighter. My dark periods with my health still visit, but I focus on all the accomplishments I have under my belt. I will get better. Be easy and stay on top of your health.

Most importantly, NEVER GIVE UP.

P.S. If you all are interested in my progress or would like to know more about congestive heart failure and cardiomyopathy, let me know and I’ll make sure to include more entries.

Loc Inspiration

I must be doing something right.

My current P/T gig is delivering telephone books. Several of my stops were businesses where loc’ed folks frequent. I saw all types: long, short, thin, chunky and they were in a myriad of colors. I was in love (did I mention all but one of them was male?) I noticed something about them: they looked dull. I know some people’s hair texture, even when healthy, doesn’t shine except with outside aid. Anyway, several people were staring at my babies and the lone young lady questioned me about them. Now, her thick, manicured bra-strap length dreads were tipped reddish purple. They looked healthy. When I told her what I used and how often, she asked what product gave my dreads their shininess because she wanted hers to shine like mine.

I told her there’s no one thing. I wash every two weeks, use an ACV rinse & baking soda rinse once a month, spritz my hair daily with oil/water, etc. I use Jamaican Mango & Lime products. I increased fruit and vegetables in my diet. Water intake I have to monitor closely, but I’ve been replacing sweetened beverages with water. She thanked me for the information and went about her business. The fellas started asking about my dreads and I told them the same thing; I also had to add that I don’t start dreads and I don’t maintain anyone else’s (yeah, total agony saying that to some of them.)

The point of this entry – people can see when you take good care of your dreads and want to know your “secret.” If there’s any “secret,” maybe it is your love for your hair. And, it’s always nice to have a veteran loc’er ask about your dreads when you’re only a year & some change into your journey. **WINKS**